Losing the Pets You Love

When I was a child, I remember asking my grandmother why she didn't have a pet. I thought it would be perfect for her to have a dog because she loved visiting our dog and it would be great company for her. She responded by telling me that she was never going to let another dog break her heart and was never going to shed another tear over a dog. I remember wondering, “Well, that's just silly. Why would you do that? It’s way more fun to have a dog.” I also remember thinking how much joy and laughter our dog brought to the family. With their snuggles, their soft and warm fur, and their loud barks, they made us feel comforted, secure, and protected. I just couldn’t understand why my grandmother wouldn't want that too.

As an adult, we had a dog named Tippy. She was a beautiful mutt, a mixed breed of Collie and Chow. She was sassy and had a mind of her own. After living with us for 13 years, she passed away from cancer. Our children were young when she passed, and we were at a very busy time in our lives. It was an incredibly devastating and difficult decision to put her to sleep and let her go, but we could see how much pain she was in and knew it was the right thing to do. We cried and said our goodbyes as best we could. We created a small shrine that included pictures of her, a piece of her hair, and her collar. We've kept it up for years. Some dear friends of ours painted a beautiful watercolor painting of her too, which is also still displayed in our home. Much like my grandmother had said all those years ago, my husband told me he didn't want a dog ever again after Tippy passed. I promptly shot him down and reminded him our kids were little and they would want another dog. 

My husband quickly had a change of heart about getting another dog. About eight months after the passing of Tippy, he was on a job site and saw a black labrador-shepherd mix running around. They were building a church in the middle of nowhere. It was a very rural area, and there were just a few houses around. The dog was about eight months old, so we assumed that someone had him as a puppy and then dropped him off in the middle of nowhere. 

The dog would wander around the job site, eating the construction workers’ leftover lunches. He quickly fell in love with my husband, following him around and jumping into his truck when he opened the door. At this time, the holidays came and went which meant that my husband was not on the job site for about two weeks. When he returned in January, he called and told me that the stray dog was still there, but that he was getting really thin and probably wouldn’t make it through the coldest part of the winter. He then asked how I felt about him bringing the dog home. I told him we would first have to take him to the vet, and I reminded how I felt about animals. I made sure he remembered I believed if you bring an animal home, they’re yours forever. I reiterated that he had better make sure he was making a good decision.

Of course, my husband ended up bringing the dog home. We named him Rocko. Let me tell you - this dog was a wild animal. He had no manners, no spatial boundaries, and had obviously never been on a leash. Luckily, he was a quick study. He was ever so grateful for the fact that we took him in. Every morning, he would wake me up by jumping up onto our bed. He was so excited you could see it in his eyes. It was like he was trying to tell us, “You’re still here! I’m still here! This is awesome! I love being with you!” He was always so excited when we came home, and he loved to go anywhere with us.

He was loving and gentle to our children and to anyone that came into our home. When I would set out the Christmas decorations during the holidays, you would often find him snoozing under the tree at night. Present opening on Christmas day was pure joy for him, as he loved tearing up the tissue paper and acting like he was destroying the enemy! Rocko loved a party and would stay up with us until the wee hours of the morning if the evening went long. He loved sleeping outside on the patio when my husband was watching ball games on TV. He was just plain cool!

I think he was one of the most loyal dogs I've ever had. His loyalty to us was shown in so many ways. He would sleep at the end of the hallway by the girls' bedrooms for most of the evening. Then, he would join us in our bedroom at about 3:00 a.m. for the rest of the night. Whenever my husband was out in the yard working, he had to be with him. He did his nightly patrols of our backyard by roaming the perimeter and looking for anything out of place as if he was the king of the jungle. He barked at anything that moved outside. He was our protector, always watching out the back windows, the front windows, and paying attention to everything. He lived with us for 14 amazing years.

At 14 years old, he passed away peacefully at home. Rocko picked a day that everyone was available to spend time with him before he passed. He always was a bit of an attention-seeker. 

The previous evening he had a sleepover with one of our daughters and her dog Luci, who was his best bud. In the morning, of course, he had mom snuggles over coffee. Then, he went over to our other daughter's house and played with her dog Nelly in the backyard. After a great day together on December 23rd 2021, he took his last ride in the truck with my husband. Before he passed, he was able to say goodbye to everyone. He was a great dog, and he is truly missed. 

Our hearts are broken, and we are really struggling with healing. His bed is still in our bedroom. I can't bring myself to wipe his snot marks off the back windows yet. Our daughter had a friend paint a beautiful picture of him, which we put alongside our dear Tippy’s picture. We still look for him sometimes when we come home. We still find ourselves waiting for him to greet us at the door. 

My husband and I were just recently talking and trying to figure out why this loss has been so hard for us. I think it's because we don't have little ones at home to distract us, so it's far too quiet. I'm not sure whether or not we will ever get another dog. I think we both are starting to feel a little bit like my grandmother. I’m definitely not ready for another pet to break my heart. I don't really know that I want to willingly go through that pain again.

The day after Rocko passed away I met a very good friend for breakfast. I was really struggling. I was trying to hold back tears while also trying to rationalize why I was crying over a dog. She listened, understood, and said something so profound. She told me, “You had 14 great years with him and just one really bad day…the day when he passed away.” She was right - 14 years of love certainly outweighed that one bad day. That comment has stayed with me every day since then. Our family, Rocko included, had 14 years full of great memories together that I don’t regret one bit!

What I have learned: The joy of loving a pet outweighs the pain of losing a pet. I am working on opening my heart up again. 

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